The next step in Weasel Business evolution...
Intermediate Course
LESSON 1: You ARE the manager (or is it the owner?)….
EXPLANATION: You must always be
thinking of your next story to cover your ass! Rehearse it if you need to
so it will sound justified when you have to spread it on thick to the
peons (I.e. owner, secretary, other nothing employees). AND, Always
remember, everyone is out to get you!
LESSON 2: Now that you think you own the company
(owner, manager...what’s the difference right?), all pertinent
information is yours and only yours!
EXPLANATION: Micro-management! Now
that everyone is beneath you in the company, you must keep all information
to yourself so they will all have to come to you to find anything at all.
This way you only let them know what you feel they need to know, when you
feel they need to know it! AND, you can change your story at anytime
because you give out so little information at all!
LESSON 3: All information is relevant to you!
EXPLANATION: A true micro-manager
must know every detail, even if it doesn’t concern him. You have the
right, you are the manager and it is YOUR JOB to keep track of
everyone and everything! Demand the details and if they refuse….have a
meeting (4 hour minimum remember)!
LESSON 4: Any extra cash is considered a management
bonus.
EXPLANATION: You work hard all day
making it look like you do something. Ordering others around is hard work!
If there is extra cash around, it must be a management bonus, God knows
you deserve it, right?
LESSON 5: Always have a knowledgeable weasel
attorney handy for all of your
spiritual and moral guidance needs.
EXPLANATION: When you believe you
are right and feel you have been wronged, seek out a knowledgeable weasel
attorney who is greedy enough to assure you that over time you are
entitled to everything, including the WORLD!!!!
LESSON 6: Belligerent can be used to describe
anyone, customers, employees, anyone you feel is threatening your reality
warp.
EXPLANATION: When a peon sees the true weasel inside of you, accuse them of being belligerent! Throw things at them and stomp around wildly, flex those management muscles! You know they should cower to your superior arguing skills and just leave!
LESSON 7: If that belligerent employee won’t leave, drive to the owners house and have a 6 hour meeting about the situation. The bigger the stories, the better the results!
EXPLANATION: Don’t let some woman get the best of you! Insult her and make her see she is nothing but a mere peon! If that doesn’t work, have a meeting at the owners house behind her back. That will teacher her!!!
LESSON 8: Sexual harassment, a weasel would NEVER!
EXPLANATION: A Management Weasel would never admit to sexually harassing a female coworker. Say she’s just frustrated because YOU turned HER down, you are a married weasel yah know! And we all know a married weasel would never try to kiss a coworker or send her roses or buy her jewelry...NOT A MARRIED WEASEL!!!!!! Tell your wife the weasel truth...she can help your cause.
Ready to move on, or do you need a refresher course? Make your selection below.
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