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You Might Be a Weasel
if....
Self weasel test from
Dec. 2004
* If you base the quality of your friends at any given moment by what they can give you today ......YOU MAY WANT TO TRY THE PHRASE "GIVE & TAKE" ON FOR SIZE!
* If you consider yourself a "gamer" yet quit as soon as you start to loose .....AGAIN, TRY THE PHRASE "IT'S NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOOSE, IT'S HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME"!!!
* If you believe throwing things and jumping on your opponents when they start to win as "rules of the game".....CAN WE SAY ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES AND MAYBE EVEN SOME BASIC SPORTSMANSHIP SKILLS?????
* If you are a faithful Wal-Mart shopper......CAN WE SAY BAHHHHH, BAHHHH, LET ME LEAD YOU LITTLE LAMB!
* If your Internet Service Provider says they are so secure you don't need anti-virus software, and you believe them…...I HAVE SOME OCEAN FRONT PROPERTY AT BARGAIN
PRICES...INTERESTED??
* If your main reason for not switching from AOL is because you like that it tells you "you got mail"…...BUY A MICROPHONE ($4.99), RECORD THE PHRASE (FREE), AND GET A REAL ISP ($18.95)!!!* If you consider chasing storms a living…...LOOK AROUND...YOU HAVE ONE IN YOUR OWN "YARD"!! DON'T CHASE IT.. RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY, DUCK &
COVER!!!
* If you passed this test, got pissed and called your lawyer, yet keep coming back for more...... YOU ARE STILL A PATHETIC LITTLE WEASEL, BUT AMUSING!! LMKAO
Self weasel test from
Nov. 2003
* If you consider
our current economic structure to be “on the rebound”......YOU
MAY WANT TO LAY OFF THOSE MIND ALTERING DRUGS OR AT LEAST LEARN TO SHARE!
* If you buy a $500 computer complete with
monitor and printer at your local discount grocery and expect a great
warranty and performance.....AGAIN,
GET OFF THE DRUGS AND LOOK A BIT CLOSER AT THE PACKAGING AND SEE IT ISN’T
EVEN WRITTEN IN ENGLISH FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD! HAVE FUN SHIPPING TO GERMANY!!!
* If you were one of the many condemning my
wedded bliss and even going so far as to call it a “passing phase”
saying it would never last .....NA,
NA, NA, NAAAA, NA! CAN WE SAY STARTING YEAR NUMBER 4!!!!!!! 8)~
* If you are still wining after 4 years......GIMME
A BREAK WEASEL, HERE’S A TISSUE, RESOLVE YOUR ISSUE AND….GET OVER IT!
* If you believe any of the tall tales of your
alleged “ass-kickin” potential…...FOR
THE LAST TIME, LAY OFF THE DRUGS!! *LMKAO* CONSIDER SELF DEFENSE???
* If you subscribe
to the “ion theory” leading to the end of the world as we know it…...LOOK
AROUND...WAKE UP AND GET A REAL LIFE !!!
* If you consider
chasing storms a living…...LOOK
AROUND...YOU HAVE ONE IN YOUR OWN "YARD"!! DON'T CHASE
IT.. RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY, DUCK & COVER!!!
* If you are one
of those stump hugging, greenhouse affect environmental gurus
......HAVE YOU NOTICED IT’S JUNE & ON AN AVERAGE 50 DEGREES!
GREENHOUSE HEAT MY ASS! WHAT, IS ALL THE GREENHOUSE HEAT HOLDIN THE COLD
IN????
* If you passed
this test, got pissed and called your lawyer, yet keep coming back for
more...... YOU ARE STILL A PATHETIC
LITTLE WEASEL, BUT AMUSING!! LMKAO
The Self-Weasel Test
from Jan 2003
* If you consider your actions in obtaining company documents from a
COMPANY computer as anything less than stealing......YOU MAY WANT TO
REMEMBER HOW YOU TOOK THE COMPUTER FROM THE COMPANY IN THE FIRST PLACE!
(AFTER HOURS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!!!!)
* If you consider these stolen documents to be “altered” documents...
...AGAIN, REMEMBER YOU HAD THE COMPANY AUDITED BY EVERY AGENCY KNOWN TO
MAN, AND THEY PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS…..GO FIGURE!
* If you believe the company that FIRED you has missed your alleged
expertise in any way...
...YOU OBVIOUSLY MISTOOK THIS WEASEL FREE STORE FOR WEASEL COMPUTERS!
* If you are still wining after 3 years......GIMME A BREAK WEASEL, HERE’S
A TISSUE! YOUR SCHEME DIDN’T WORK, YOU’RE STILL FULL OF SHIT….GET
OVER IT!
* If you consider shooting your kin (ground hogs) as a financial step up
from your last job…...YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER VOLUNTEERING FOR
UNIVERSITY TESTING, I HEAR DR. KIRK IS STUDYING YOUR KIND!! *LMKAO
* If you believe for one
moment that you are attractive to the opposite sex…...LOOK IN THE MIRROR
WEASEL BOY, THAT LAUGHTER YOU WERE HEARING AROUND THE OFFICE WASN’T JUST
ANY JOKE, IT WAS THE JOKE…..YOU!!!
* If you passed this
test & keep coming back for more...... YOU STILL HAVEN’T LEARNED
SHIT YET WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from March 2002
* If you claim to be an accountant yet had to hire a REAL accountant to do
your job......YOU MAY WANT TO RE-THINK YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION MAYBE-HUH?
* If you have to stare really hard to figure out the big words on the side
of trucks ......YOU OBVIOUSLY MISSED OUT ON “RIGHT TO READ WEEK”!
* If you believe 1 hour labor (on a 6-hour job) is unsatisfactory customer
service......YOU OBVIOUSLY MISTOOK THIS WEASEL FREE STORE FOR WEASEL
COMPUTERS!
* If you read this Self-Weasel Test and it sounds familiar enough to
warrant yet ANOTHER call to your attorney......GIMME A BREAK WEASEL, THE
LAWYER IS STILL LAUGHING FROM THE LAST TIME! OH, DON’T FORGET TO BUY
MORE INK FOR YOUR PRINTER!
* If you claim to be an expert in the field of “psychology”, yet still
are blind to your own ENORMOUS mental issues…...YOU MAY AGAIN WANT TO
RE-THINK THAT JOB DESCRIPTION!
* If you thought your
bug-eyed stare from behind those big yellow glasses was anything but
humorous…...THE TRAFFIC MUST HAVE DROWN OUT OUR LAUGHTER, AGAIN!!!!
The Self-Weasel Test
from Jan.2002
* If you have to use your toes and fingers to add 2+2 and still get
5......YOU RODE THE SHORT BUS TO SCHOOL HUH WEASEL?
* If you believe the sound a rubber band makes is the same as your
business checks ......YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO BUSINESS IN BUSINESS WEASEL!
* If you believe Gagwey, Compuke, and Hewypukeards are great computer
investments......YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN’T HAD TO CALL TECH SUPPORT YET!
* If you called tech support and still have the same problem you called
about......WELCOME TO THE NEW AGE OF WEASEL COMPUTERS!
* If you still think you look cool decked out in camouflage and huge
yellow glasses......LOOK IN THE MIRROR AGAIN WEASEL! **LOL**
* If you passed this test & keep coming back for more...... YOU HAVEN’T
LEARNED SHIT YET WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from Dec. 2001
* If you already have 3 failing businesses and start another......YOU ARE
A STUPID WEASEL!
* If you feel can compete with REAL businesses using your business savvy......YOU
OBVIOUSLY HAVEN’T REALIZED YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS SAVVY!
* If you believe in your version of business practices ......YOU ARE A
GRADUATE OF WEASEL ECONOMICS ADVANCED COURSE!
* If you wine a lot to others and think they are listening AND believing
you......YOU ARE A PRIME EXAMPLE OF A TRUE WEASEL!
* If you still stomp your feet and grind your teeth when you read these
updates......YOU ARE NOT ONLY PATHETIC, YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED A THING
WEASEL!
* If you passed this test & keep coming back for more...... YOU TRULY
NEED THERAPY WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from November 2001
* If confrontation is your ONLY means of communicating with
others......YOU SHOULD BE A MUTE WEASEL!
* If you feel the whole world is out to get you......YOU ARE A PARANOID
WEASEL!
* If your business practices include the phrase “The check is in the
mail”......YOU ARE A GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS-SOON WEASEL!
* If the word “marriage” doesn’t bring honor, respect and monogamy
to mind......YOU ARE A SOON ON YOUR WAY TO DIVORCED WEASEL!
* If you are willing to admit the Weasel No More pages must be all about
you ......YOU ARE NOT ONLY STUPID, YOU ARE A TRUE WEASEL!
* If you passed this test & keep coming back for more...... YOU NEED
THERAPY WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from September 2001
* If you thought the company you had worked for would forget about your fraudulent exploits ......YOU ARE A BUSTED WEASEL!
* If you think a tired pair of jeans, dingy white shirt and Velcro sneakers are
court worthy attire......YOU ARE A HOPELESS WEASEL!
* If you think what falls from your face as alleged fact sounds like anything less than yet another “unreality warp” lie......YOU ARE A
SLOW WEASEL!
* If you think Sexual Harassment charges can’t be brought against
you......YOU ARE A BUSTED SLOW WEASEL!
* If you think you have the ability to look cool under pressure......YOU
ARE NOT ONLY A SLOW WEASEL, YOU’RE STUPID TOO!
* If you passed this test & keep coming back for more...... YOU NEED
PADDED WALLS AND A HUGGY COAT WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from August 2001
* If clinching your fist and stomping your foot isn’t considered a
temper tantrum to you ......YOU ARE A WHINEY WEASEL!
* If you think underwear is an optional part of everyday dress......YOU
ARE A NASTY WEASEL!
* If you think a deposition with a real attorney will be smooth sailing
for you......YOU ARE A MISINFORMED WEASEL!
* If you think Mrs. Weasel won’t see your true colors......YOU ARE A
BUSTED WEASEL!
* If you think Mrs. Weasel can’t find a Weasel-freeing divorce lawyer
......YOU ARE NOT ONLY A BUSTED WEASEL, YOU’RE STUPID TOO!
* If you believe your female victims wouldn’t speak in court FOR Mrs.
Weasel......YOU ARE A CAUGHT WEASEL!
* If you passed this test & keep coming back for more......YOU ARE A PERSISTENTLY
ASININE WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from early July 2001
* If you think you can get away with not claiming past employees to the
IRS......YOU ARE A SILLY WEASEL!
* If you think that the IRS won’t notice this error in your
bookkeeping......YOU ARE NOT ONLY A SILLY WEASEL, YOUR ARE STUPID TOO!
* If you think the IRS won’t audit you back at least 3 to 7
years......YOU ARE A MISINFORMED WEASEL!
* If you think committing fraud while you were acting Treasurer of a
corporation went unnoticed......YOU ARE A BUSTED WEASEL!
* If you think that this fraud can’t be proven ......YOU ARE A PRISON
BITCH WEASEL!
* If you used these fraudulent funds to pay another corporation’s
bills......YOU ARE A CAUGHT WEASEL!
The Self-Weasel Test
from June 2001
* If you think your insurance lawyer can win a corporate case......YOU ARE
A SILLY ‘LIL WEASEL!
* If you think that same lawyer stands a chance against a REAL corporate
lawyer......YOU ARE NOT ONLY A SILLY ‘LIL WEASEL, YOUR ARE STUPID TOO!
* If you believe your stock in Kellylogs is worth a shit since they found
a rat in the box......YOU ARE A MISINFORMED WEASEL!
* If you think audits won’t happen to you too......YOU ARE A PENNILESS WEASEL!
* If you think the statute of limitations is up for a sexual harassment
suit ......YOU ARE A SOON DIVORCED WEASEL!
* If you signed your name to a contract, remember contracts are binding
asshole!......THINK ABOUT IT WEASEL!
Self Weasel Test From
February 2001
* If you think you can
cry to a lawyer long enough to get your way......YOU ARE A WEASEL!
* If you think that same lawyer will bend or break the law for
you......YOU ARE NOT ONLY A WEASEL, YOUR ARE STUPID TOO!
* If you believe because you own stock in Kellylogs, then you must own
stock in Free-A Tree too......YOU ARE A MISINFORMED WEASEL!
* If you study the art of Weasel Economics......YOU ARE A PENNILESS WEASEL!
* If you stomp your feet & clinch your fists while standing in your
last place of unemployment ......YOU ARE A PATHETIC WEASEL!
* If you believe you are "safe" on the internet because you have
a firewall......THINK AGAIN WEASEL!
Yah Might be a Weasel If…
from January 2001
* If in your world, it's OK to be
married and stalk another woman......YOU ARE A WEASEL!
* If in your world, it's ok to trade out labor charges for sexual
favors......YOU ARE A WEASEL!
* If your own ego is larger than the room you are standing in......YOU ARE
A WEASEL!
* If your ego exceeds the actual length of your penis......YOU ARE A
WEASEL!
* If in your un-reality warp, a company can't go on without you in
it......YOU ARE A WEASEL!
* If you lie to others and say you
own the business, when in actuality you were just a poor
(VERY POOR) excuse for a worker......YOU ARE A WEASEL!
* If you send flowers to a co-worker and not your wife on your
anniversary......YOU ARE A WEASEL! |
